This is a little something new for the blog... if you haven't already seen over on my Instagram stories, I wanted to share with you all my new blog series - I'm Not Ok... But How I'm Learning To Be Ok With That. I'm taking this series in a slightly different direction than my previous posts, but it will hopefully still be in line with my overall feeling of wanting this blog to be a place of learning new things and personal growth. After a year of working on my blog and social media, I have learnt a lot about my self, the good and the bad and I feel its time to share more with my readers. I am constantly on a journey of self discovery and what I enjoy most about the community I have created on here is getting to take you all along with me. So to kick things off I'm starting with a little introduction about what this new blogpost series is really all about...
I think we all feel pressure to present ourselves to the world in a certain way. We don't want to be a burden on others and want the memories we create to be embraced with happiness instead of tainted by pain and sadness. But does this need for perfection come at too high a price? This is a question I have found myself asking recently and to be honest with you I just don't know what the answer is. But I do feel a sense of responsibility to be honest.
Over the last year I have a grown a platform where I really only share images and content that I deem pretty or worthy of the 'gram'. And lets be honest it has been tiring. It's nearly impossible for an image to capture all the aspects of someone, and I feel that I have more to offer than the photos I upload to the internet. I found myself looking for validation in likes and comments instead of being happy with the person I see in the mirror everyday. And I believe if I want to continue with my journey on social media I need to counter balance the image I am putting out there and share with you another side of me thats equally as important and valid of your attention. The not so perfect, anxious ridden, foul mouthed, worry wort, single not so ready to mingle 26 year old that you don't see all the time.
I don't want to be a part of the problem but instead be a part of the change. I want to look back in years to come and be proud of the work I created instead of disappointed I wasn't more honest. I have spent a lot of my life hiding, from people and from myself. Pretending to be something I'm not. I want to change this and its never too late to make a change, especially if its for the better.
Everyone knows that well known phrase "Its ok to not be ok", its the kind of phrase we have embroidered on a cushion next to the "home sweet home" placemat. To me this ideal is worthless and problematic. The sentiment is so obvious but do we really truly know how to put the words into action? So I'm instead accepting that I'm on a journey and I'm learning every day how to be ok with not being ok. I doubt I will ever figure it out, like so many things, we stumble our way through just hoping to catch a glimpse of an ending insight or an answer that might explain it all. But I want to bring you all along with me for the ride and share my woes, whilst documenting how I attempt to handle just being human.
Now more than ever during this time, we need to know we are all in this together and the problems we may face and feel alone in, will most definitely be happening to someone else out there. A picture may say a thousand words, but there are a thousand more we just can't see...
I thought for my introduction to this new series, I might set the record straight on a few things about myself, and address the many misconceptions you might guess when just looking at me and my profile...
Firstly I'm loud, some may say too loud. I'm the friend you have to ssshhh because they say something embarrassing that the whole bar can hear. This quality has also led to a lot of people being surprised or not believing me when I tell them I suffer from a mental health disorder. How could someone so happy and loud be so sick?
This brings me onto the second, I have OCD, technically I have a something that has been nicknamed Pure O by professionals. I suffer from purely obsessive thoughts. Nope I'm not a neat freak or as so kindly put by my ex housemate's mum "your so lucky to be living with someone who has OCD, your house will be so clean!". If you have seen my room, you would know thats definitely not true...
Thirdly, the way I dress or present myself you might think I have it all sorted, that I'm a together 'cool' type of person. That couldn't be further from the truth. I am most definitely not cool. I am far more anxious and neurotic.
This also sort of ties in with my fourth point, which is I care far too much what people think of me. I hate the idea of making a bad impression, of people not liking me and I work way too hard to try and be liked by everyone.
And lastly, underneath everything I'm not that confident. I'm not that confident in myself. I'm not that confident in the decisions I make. And I'm not always that confident in just being me.
So there you have it, 5 things you may not know about me by just looking at my photos or reading this blog. I can't tell you what a weight off my chest it feels like just sharing and being honest in writing!
So stay tuned every week as I delve into my own personal struggles with life, love, money, relationships, careers and so much more. Say hello to this new series and maybe you'll learn a little something new about me or yourself!